Laura here. Todd has informed me that it's best to keep blogs short and sweet. I hope to do that, but at the same time, I don't know how to summarize what God has been laying on my heart.
As 2010 draws to a close, I am amazed at everything that happened in my life and family. On January 12, the Haiti earthquake happened. The morning of January 14, Todd woke up early and went to his usual Thursday morning Men's Bible study group. I awoke enough to kiss goodbye and say "I love you." And then the most incredible thing happened. I thought I heard Todd come back in. I heard the door open and close. I called out for Todd, but he didn't answer. I was startled, but not scared. It was so weird. I even thought to myself, "if this isn't Todd, I feel like I should be a little more concerned than I am right now." But I wasn't...I was totally peaceful. I looked over and saw a very bright light in my bedroom doorway. I watched it move toward me and into the chair in the corner of our bedroom. Still I had no fear...I cannot explain the complete serenity I felt. I reached out my right hand, and I felt (physically FELT) a hand in mine. I squeezed it. I smiled. And then I went to sleep.
Later in the day I kept thinking about what happened. Was I crazy? Should I tell anyone? No way...that was nuts...people will think I'm nuts. Maybe I'll just tell Todd. The phone call went like this:
Laura: Honey, so, Jesus was in our room this morning
Laura: Well, after you left I heard the door open again, and then there was a light in our doorway, but I wasn't scared...and then He sat in the chair in our room (now called the "Jesus Chair" aka "don't put your dirty clothes there."
Laura: so, this is crazy, right? maybe I was dreaming? But no, I wasn't asleep. I had just said goodbye to you. Todd, it was so real. It was so real. I felt Jesus hold my hand. It sounds crazy just saying it.
Todd: (more silence - Todd is good at waiting and speaking at just the right moment)
Laura: and then this afternoon I read this verse in my daily devotion: Psalm 139:10 "Even there your hand shall lead me, and your right hand shall hold me."
Todd: (more silence)
Laura: Todd, Jesus was in our room this morning. He held my hand! It was like he was telling me to just trust Him. I'm so stubborn that I needed a physical reminder that He's got me. You think this is crazy, huh?
Todd: It's not crazy, baby. I BELIEVE you.
I marked the passage and day in my Bible...more on that later. The following Sunday in church, I heard Jen Gash speak about Sweet Sleep and Brentwood Baptist Church taking a mission journey to Haiti to do post-quake relief. Kim Cox, a friend and past coworker, walked up to me and said, "hey, you wanna go with us to Haiti? We could use a counselor on this trip." Thanks, Kim. It has been an honor to serve alongside someone so dedicated to her calling.
So, on Feb 25, I left with a Sweet Sleep (www.sweetsleep.org) team for Haiti. So many more stories about this trip are on my other blog - www.newsongcounseling.blogspot.com. But long story short, I met Wendy, Woody, and Wilnes on this trip. I questioned, even fought, what God was showing me during my time there. Their faces became deeply ingrained in my heart and mind, and I just knew God was opening me up to "mommyhood." Yuk! Yes, I said it...YUK! I was not ready for this stage. In fact, I couldn't understand why at baby showers for my very dear friends, I still found myself having no sense of that supposedly "natural woman instinct." I wasn't ready for kids. I love kids...don't get me wrong...LOVE them....just not ready for any that I'm fully responsible for. So, when those 3 boys showed up in my life, wow, I was fighting with God.
While in church in Haiti, a little boy sitting next to me asked to hold my Bible, he opened up to a page and held it there with his little finger for a long time...it was open to Psalm 139...the passage I read the day Jesus held my hand. Okay, God, I get it. What do I do next?
After another trip to Haiti in April, and then another with Todd in July, and another in October, and many tears and "serious meetings" with God, here we are...in the adoption process. Todd and I still question what we are doing, like many of you probably do. Are we crazy? Well, yes.
This Sunday at BBC, there was a scripture reading at the beginning of the service. I kept hearing the reader say, "nothing is impossible, nothing is impossible." It was the voice of God telling Mary she would bare a son. I gotta say, I side with Mary on this. Are you sure, God? Me? But I'm just a woman who does not fit the criteria. Are you sure I can do this?
"For nothing will be impossible with God." (Luke 1:37)
I get it. This isn't about me.
BELIEVE in what God can do.