My mentor and friend Amy recently asked me, “What is it like
to parent from afar?” I laughed from
sheer confusion, sadness, and probably insanity. It is hard to describe. In that moment my answer was that I just keep
showing up whenever I can. One of us
goes to Haiti to see them every 3-4 months.
It is hard on us in a lot of ways logistically – time, money, etc - but
of course emotionally as well. It rips
our heart out (and theirs) every time we say goodbye. But my response to this is always, “The
hellos are worth the goodbyes.” I want
my boys to feel and know, “See, guys, we are here again for you. We are fighting to bring you home. We are here with you.”
But then what do we do in that time in between when we’re
not physically there? Especially on a day like today, the 4 year anniversary of
the Haiti earthquake, when my boys feel the effects of their trauma and grief
even more than usual? Amy’s question,
one I think about a lot, is an ongoing learning experience. There are lots of parenting books out there,
but none that I’ve found so far about “How to parent your 3 sons in Haiti that
you’ve been waiting to bring home for 4 years and have no clue how much longer
you will wait.” (Sidenote for self–
maybe I’ll write that book). I find myself
grappling a lot with fear and shame that maybe I’m not parenting “good
enough.” I should be there today to hold
my sons and tell them it will all be okay! What can I do?
And where the hell is the book that tells me what to do?!
And then I found one.
Totally forgot I have this really cool book called the Bible - which you
can now download as an app on your phone.
I woke up this morning thinking about what Wendy, one of my twins, said
about the earthquake one time. In his
sweet little Creole he told me, “everything was shaking, but the nannies came
to hold us.” Just picture that with
me. As I thought about that and the ways
God sends us comfort in our trouble, I was drawn to Psalm 91. I read it many times this morning, and here
is what I heard God saying to me through this passage: “I will come to you when you’re in
trouble. I will send my angels. I am your refuge – come, get under my wings.” Those nannies were angels holding my boys and
so many others. Those angels hold you
and me. When I can’t physically hold and
protect my sons today or any other day, I know who is. “Godspeed” is the name of the song we play every
time I’m with them in Haiti. It has a
line that says “God hears amen wherever we are” and another that says “oh my
love will fly to you each night on angels’ wings.” We’ve been singing those lines together for 4
years. And in my human nature sometimes
I still forget that God is doing the parenting – whether I can be there
physically or not. My boys are held in His arms. And so am I.
I rest in this promise. And
that’s how I parent from afar.
**My background in the music business won't let me end this post without crediting Radney Foster for writing the lyrics to "Godspeed." Thanks for writing a song that speaks my heart and makes me cry a really ugly cry. Amen.